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Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in MeTHoD's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, November 28th, 2001
2:38 pm
Crayola Commando.
Well, what a hectic week. I went to the Comedy store on Wednesday. I remembered not to heckle quite so much this time as we nearly got kicked out last visit. OK. I ended up down that shit hole night club again, Equinox. With mi mate Dave, we got bored so did a kinda Morris dancing thing that scare off almost every girl in the place and had us pissing ourselves laughing.

Worked Saturday till 8:15pm so that was that.

Sunday up early to go paint balling. It was a fairly mild day but still cold and wet. When we arrived we stuck on the combat fatigues and got out onto the courses. They where caked in mud and slippery shit and crap. What a fucking fantastic day, if you have never done paintball I really suggest you try it. I got to spend all day playing soldiers, playing in mud and acting like a 6 year old. Pucker!

Monday was Weird Karl's birthday, I met with the Gay Vegan himself after work and we had one or 5 drinks before hitting the venue. Karl and I managed to start the mosh pit for One Dice, we say a band called G-A-Y (Ginger Angry Youths).

Napalm Death were the headlining act and holy shit they were as good as when I say them 10 years ago. It was an extreme mosh pit, Karl went crowd surfing like the demented nut case he is and ended up doing it 8 times. Respec. I was right at the front and I still hurt. Bad news though, Karl lost his house keys and had to crash at mine. Poor bugger, still we had a fucking A time, Pucker!
Thursday, November 15th, 2001
3:47 pm
Born to be wild!
Right, back after a busy few weeks. I had my birthday which was nice and I have been working harder than Jordan's Bra strap so I apologise for depriving you of my charm and if your not happy then piss off.

I am so tired that I feel like I might fall to sleep ri oldsklglfdfd.........................................................

I got a PS2 for my B'day and I have been up till 3:00am every night this week. Apart from Saturday (what an 'interesting' evening that was) when I got home a 6:00am and had to break into my house through a window. I had a car crash 3 weeks ago and took my car to my Granddad's to get it repaired. He and my Dad are going to repair it for me. About time my Dad did something useful for me. So for the time being I got my brothers Mondeo, which moves faster prunes through an old lady. Not as good as the cars I want, so here is the realistic what I might get in the next 2 years car list:

Nissan Skyline V35 GT-R, failing that a Mitsubishi Evo 7, Failing that a Scooby Doo Impretza and if not that at least a Nissan 200sx

Yes, all cars are turbo charged for that thrown to the back of the seat fee.

Right back to work.
Tuesday, October 9th, 2001
12:11 pm
More Ming than a Japanese dynasty
Day 3: We went to amnesia, I wish I could forget it. Before departing on the coach at 10:30 we drank in the west end. Here we met two very nice young ladies who where also very pretty and kept us company for a time. Bless 'em, they were top girls and therefore I feel obliged to hold back on the derogatory sexual remarks that should have accompanied there appearance. They were very pretty and out of my league, nuff said.

On the coach to amnesia we started to talk to some Scottish women. They appeared to be of reasonable calibre and my smooth talking was getting us in there good and proper. Amnesia was pony, the music was Balearic trance house and it bored me BIG TIME. I drank more and more, I flirted with the afore-mentioned Scottish chick (hen is more appropriate). OK, Boombox and Orgazmo left. Tins and I got hold of the two Scotts, and we ended up back at their hotel. Nooooo. around 7:00 o'clock I started to sober up and though eugh! What the fuck is that. Now, I am trying to make my excuses but Tins is shagging the other bird on the balcony, worse still, now she's trying to get me to give her one up the Gary Glitter. Tins comes in from the balcony for some water. That's it, I get out of the harlots bed, Tins and I chip. Quick sprint out of the hotel and then a walk back to our own hotel. All I can think about though is I got hold of Rab C. Nesbits wife. Eeeuuuuuuuuggghghghghghg! I was awarded the cardigan of Ming for the crime, I new that one of the boys would have to really sink to beat the state of that old hag. However, there was a get out of jail free card, if you won the most points then the cardigan goes to the next offender. I had much work to do.

PS. I feel sick re-living that moment.
Monday, October 8th, 2001
5:06 pm
Boldly going forward
I went to a Startrek convention this weekend. Here's my account of what occured.

Captains Log, stardate 20011008

We arrived of Friday evening and I started to get scared. There were people dressed up as Klingons or other Startrek characters. That was fine, some looked quite good, it was the fucking oddballs that just started talking to you for no real reason and then said things like

'I got some nice new blue shorts, would you like to see them?' Said Billy no-mates
'Behave you fucking freak' replied I, and moved off.

More mullets than billingsgate fish market, loads of big fat lesbians, people with st-st-st-stutters, limps, humps, pox, mullets (again) and/or weird personality disorders. There were some nice normal people there too, so that was OK.

Paul pulled some bird and we went back to our room for some beers as the bar was closed (bar closed at 2:00am, shit or what). However, she clocked Paul was married and turned her attention to me. Once in the room I noticed that somehow a big fat woman from the Isle of Lesbos was in the room. Where the fuck did she come from??

The girl told us her life story and bored me so much I actually used the loo as a means to break the monotony. She was a proper bunny boiler. Anyhow, eventually we went to sleep. Paul let the girl sleep in his bed and the lesbian gave me an imploring look, I took pity on her and got her the spare pillow from the cupboard and told her to fuck off and sleep on the sofa. Around 9:00 I awoke to find the girl on my bed and booted her and her friend out. After breakfast we went to the health spa and Paul pushed me into the plunge pool. I went into the sauna to dry out and saw that some prick was leaking claret on the benches. It was me. When Paul pushed me into the plunge pool I gashed up my foot on the vent at the bottom. Today I can barely put weight on it.

We watched the England match in the afternoon (Nice one Beckam) and saw the pilot for the new Startrek series, also had a look around the dealer rooms but I'll be fucked if I'm paying that money for a picture of Geri Ryan. In the evening it was fancy dress. I had rented a classic Robin costume and Paul had Superman. They were tacky and we looked really funny. Boombox had a presentation to attend for his foot ball but we knew he was turning up later as batman (new style) and that he paid 80 to rent the costume. Tins also had a costume but in his true style he wouldn't tell us what it was, typically in my own true style I refused to ask. Anyhoo, just before marc turned up Tins chipped, only to enter with Boombox dressed as.....come on you must have guessed, I had......
new style Robin. Admittedly, a more rotund, balder Robin but Robin all the same. By now the bunny boiler had tracked us down so I put in a good word for Tins. Bored I got changed into my normal clothes as did Paul. Not bad, we wore the outfits for 2 and a half hours and paid 20 each.

Next day Paul and I went to see the guest speakers do their speaking. We learned that Tins had given the bunny Boiler the Buda finger and that Boombox had to listen to their actions most of the night, including Tins saying 'Do you like that?' Eugh!

The speaker that impressed me most was Jeffery Combs, he was funny and seemed like a really nice fella. After that Paul and I went to the bar, Tins was still with the Klingon as Paul and I had named her. As I was getting served a guy said 'Hi buddy, how's it going'. I started talking to him and it took a couple of seconds to realise it was Jeffery Combs. I was well chuffed and we had a pleasant little conversation before I made my excuses and went to give Paul his beer. Well, I didn't want to crowd him like the weirdo's do. That's it, Paul and I got drunk and we all went home. Tins showed up once the Klingon had gone home.

I think I am going to give Tins a wide birth for a while as he is getting on my tits a bit bless him.
3:21 pm
Iiiiinnnnn two (Just what everone needs, its a brand new microwave oven)
Day two:

We spent the morning recovering and then attending the reps meeting. Our rep was impressed at our antics and asked if we would help by volunteering for the games as part of the pub crawl that was on the following night. Aye, indeed we thought that it might be fun. We spent the rest of the day in the swimming pool or sunbathing. That evening we went out into the west end and got hammered. I'm afraid we do not recall the outcome of that night but it was fun. I believe we did try and 'noise up' several young ladies and got bothered by the local peddlers known as Looky Looky men (looky looky at this, you like? You buy?). My brother bough some blow and we went back to the room and smoked a fat one.

Stay tuned when we reveal, day 3 next time! Still to come, Kevster goes boldly forward where no man has gone before!
Thursday, October 4th, 2001
12:06 pm
Holiday.... Celibrate
I is back from my Ibiza Large and Oh My God, how good was that. Let me utter the battle cry that we used throughout our time there:

'can we see the muff please'

10 days of drunken debauchery. The organ donor people have been to see me and revoked their card. My kidneys and liver can be heard screaming 'stop, please'. So I will now begin the story of our times abroad but let me introduce the cast:

Kevster: Myself, the one and only King of Ibiza 2001.
Orgazmo: My brother
Tins: Friend and proud member of the Limbury Massive
BoomBox: Friend and proud member of the Limbury Massive who is now in the clutches of the evil Enema

And so onto today's instalment........

Day 1: Arrived in Ibiza and checked in at 2:50am. Out on the town by 3:10am and heading back to the hotel with 3 girls, a bottle of Jack and a bottle of Vodka by 5:30am. Kicked out of girls room by 6:30am after being told no one allowed back into that room before noon. Went to the beach and played in the sea with the girls. 7:30am realise I still have my wallet on me with 220 in notes that is now soaking wet. 8:00am tell girls that we are sorry they are not allowed back in there room and run off back to ours leaving them on the beach. Mwwwhahahahaha

During the events Tins got first blood by getting hold of the first girl (1pt) and Boombox got 1pt for Horse Feeding on one of the girls. (Note: Shaven Haven, aye)

Not bad for a first day, it set the tempo for the remainder of the holiday.. Still to come... DAY2.
Wednesday, September 19th, 2001
12:15 pm
I'm feeling the Sea beneath me.
With just 2 days left before my holiday I am beginning to feel like a kid before Xmas. I really just can't wait to get out there and get on it. These two days are going to feel longer than a docker's tea break. I am in two minds about going to Kung-Fu tonight. On the one hand, its good for me and keeps me fit but I might get hurt just before my holiday by a rouge kick/punch/chop/thrust and I want to play games tonight. I guess I'll go. I should find out about my grading soon too!

I got a new Mod for Half-Life that is just too cool. If you ever play games like Quake, Doom or Half-Life then check out this link: http://opera.redeemedsoft.com/

We should be playing this on the LAN we set up around Tins's house in the near future.

Holiday = LARGE!

Temperament: Excited (not sexually) ...(well, not yet)

Melodic accompaniment: Alien Antfarm - Smooth Criminal (heee - heee - Ow)
12:14 pm
I'm feeling the Sea beneath me.
With just 2 days left before my holiday I am beginning to feel like a kid before Xmas. I really just can't wait to get out there and get on it. These two days are going to feel longer than a docker's tea break. I am in two minds about going to Kung-Fu tonight. On the one hand, its good for me and keeps me fit but I might get hurt just before my holiday by a rouge kick/punch/chop/thrust and I want to play games tonight. I guess I'll go. I should find out about my grading soon too!

I got a new Mod for Half-Life that is just too cool. If you ever play games like Quake, Doom or Half-Life then check out this link: http://opera.redeemedsoft.com/

We should be playing this on the LAN we set up around Tins's house in the near future.

Holiday = LARGE!

Temperament: Excited (not sexually) ...(well, not yet)

Melodic accompaniment: Alien Antfarm - Smooth Criminal (heee - heee - Ow)
Monday, September 10th, 2001
4:20 pm
Cake and eat it
Twas Wessies birthday. I got here some nice stuff and we went out with a few friends to have a meal. I kept thinking about the wrong people. Bad Boy. We went to Branagans (local Luton pub/disco). Looked like grab a granny night, there was some real nasty looking birds there. There were a few fit ones too. Damn, I got the eye from one of them. Not much I could do about it though. I really want to have my cake and eat it. Well of course I do, if you got cake, eat it.

Got some wheels on my car again which is nice. There's nothing like running down the M1 at 120MPH for the hell of it.


My mate 'gay vegan' has been out on the weekend. Glad to hear it too, he has been spending far to much time mincing around at work in his camp uniform. I worry about Karl at times, he needs some good times and some bad women. Speaking of which, the count down to Ibiza is at 11 days to go. It would have been good to have taken Karl along.

LARGE.
Wednesday, September 5th, 2001
5:50 pm
Weak End
Been a while with one thing and another and I'm starting to get really pissed of with the lack of P A R T Y I N G that I seem to have to endure of late. Going out is like sex. The pub is foreplay, you can tell by the way the pub feels if you're gonna get it. If you are getting a green light its time to do that wild thing, also known as going to a club and partying hard. Lately I get the green light in the pub and then my mates all back out of the clubbing. I feel frustrated! Check out this tale From Friday night:


Friday night, mmmm, lets see....

Wobbling monitor and Dududo Dudodu sound as we fade back in time.....time.....time.....

The evening started when I entered the Taxi. Tins had previously informed me that he was to pick Emma up first in his van to save on the . However, she was not in the cab. Tins informed me that her ladyship had declined his offer. He was wearing a 'Loudish' shirt which he professed as being the loudest shirt ever and therefore a babe magnet.

Once out of the cab I inspected Tin's shirt in full and asked if they did it in his size. Upon arriving at the designated venue I felt somewhat bemused at the similarity between this and say, a family wedding shindig. Big M at the front (playing some decent tunes) groups of families and friends, balloons and a buffet (slaying vampires in the corner). Depression sank in almost immediately. If I was to prevent myself from slitting my wrists like a Goth in a bath then I would have to get shit faced, and quickly.

I asked Martin if he wanted a drink.
'Just get me anything with alcohol' replied Martin in that cool way that he does.

I went to the bar and got him a shot of Captain Morgan's Navy Rum (he did say anything). It lasted him 45mins.

There was a guy there with a really loud shirt and it was much better than Tin's so his bottom lip came out. Soon afterwards Tins got up on the DJ podium to chat to big M. He stayed up there for most of the rest of the evening 'helping' big M DJ. When I quizzed big M, he leapt to Tins's defence saying that it was hard work by himself. Gay.

This meant I got to spend a lot of time with Enema. Quickly I doubled the pace of my drinking. I chatted to Josie and some of her mates and drank more. Enema was trying to keep up with me, I had to encourage her to drink faster as she found it tough going. Towards the end I found that the 2 barmen new me by name and were discounting my drinks (sad but sweet). 15 Bottles of WKD and 3 aftershocks later Enema bowled up to by side and latched on to me for a hug and some support. How unfortunate that I was smoking and burned a hole through her dress. Oh dear, I was so very upset.

She also asked if I knew about 'her and Big M?'

"No, what do you mean" I enquired
"Nothing" she said and would be drawn any further.

So I helped put the DJ stuff away after Big M did a decent enough set and then on to a Kebab shop. I wanted to go on to Liquid (local Club) but they were in gay mode again. Big M had to prop Enema up all the way to the Kebab shop. Enema passed out against big M in the Kebab shop. Tin, Big M and I ate.

Once outside Enema vomited twice. How I laughed. We then got a cab but Enema needed to do a Lassie out of the car window (Window down, tongue out head resting out of window, like a dog on a car trip.) So We stopped and dropped Tins, then down Roman and up to my house to drop me then... Hold on. Did we miss a stop? Nope, Big M went off into the sunset to Enema's house. I went to bed.

Well. I hope that you enjoy my yarn.
Thursday, August 30th, 2001
3:18 pm
The presure of work
I am at work right now but I am just loving this new Slipknot album. Can't wait for my birhtday gig.
1:56 pm
Beer Wagon
As you may now be aware I felt pretty much like shit for the remainder of the week. To combat this I went out with 2 work friends for a quite pint on Friday night. This led to Charlie's Bar (Shit night club that doubles as a meat market) and at around 3:00 in the morning I awoke in Kings Cross (notorious London danger area) in the middle of a fight between pimps, pro's and the old bill. I was not amused so got a cab home. Had to work on Sat and Sun (Double Bubble overtime). Feeling like death with a cold I thought the best cure would be to go out Sunday night as we had Monday off. So went clubbing in Luton and had a nice time.

Monday: Slept.
Friday, August 24th, 2001
1:18 pm
Vision Conquest
Well, It would appear that I got a tad drunk on Tuesday night and rolled in at 4:15 in the morning. The fact that I spent 120 pounds that night on booze and fags was a worry and means I'm now brasik lint for a while.

It would appear I was unable to speak English for most of the evening. This made getting a cab home so much fun! 'Losshhhnaksk plssss.' As a result I have had to miss out on the usual Thursday night session and stayed in with the playstation. Bless.

I am pleased to report that no more pictures of my ex-wives anatomy have been sent to me so there will be no new meaning of the phrase 'in-box'. Sainsbury's are selling root beer so I bought 4 litres, such simple joy, like a monkey knife fighting is usually hard to find.
Tuesday, August 21st, 2001
4:54 pm
Breast of friends
So I recieved an email from my ex wife today. Been 2 years since we comunicated. Glad to see she is doing alright, bit suprised to find a picture of her jubs attached to it!

Damn, as if my life isn't weird enough, a picture of her tits in my in box. Too Fucking Weird.

Going out to get pissed with the work crew tonight. That should be a laugh. No, I mean it really should be a laugh, were going to be at the Comedey Store.




....Timing!
Monday, August 20th, 2001
4:15 pm
Let the bodies hit the floor.
So I did not enjoy my Friday like I should have. After the film the other members of the Massive denied what should have been a big night in the city of Milton Keynes (I know Milton Keynes is not the most exciting place in the world but roomer has it that the girls there are fit). I think my plan was foiled by Evil Em. There is a whole history about her that I may take time to divulge one day, but not now. So I thought I would get have my large on Saturday, but no. Everyone had excuses so I sat up and got pissed. Might be for the best, things happen when I get drunk around certain individuals and I have enough minor indiscretions to deal with without going there again.

Had a real hard Kung-Fu lesson at lunch time and I ache like a bastard right now. I just want to let my body hit the floor.
Friday, August 17th, 2001
4:13 pm
No, No matter har far we've come
The Limbury monks met last night at Tins's house. Twas an evening of merriment in this low cash flow period. Once again I was the biggest geek by being the best on the PC games, but in the valley of the blind the one eyed man is king. I got back and didn't want to sleep so played some tekken.

So now for the personal revelation. I find my mind wandering to people I really should not be thinking on. Worse still, part of me shows a smug satisfaction and I get that sadistic smile. Why is it that I like it when I am this bad?
Wednesday, August 15th, 2001
5:01 pm
Popping my Live Journal cherry
This is my first entry (no pun intended) just to let the world and his dog know I am here and ready to give an account of the history of me, Grand Master of the Limbury Masive, King of the world and alround bad guy. Throughout these journals I hope to give an account of myself and my sins. However, I'm now off to the pub for a pint so you can wait.
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